so i keep thinking about it and really.. i am emo. melissa said that by reading what i wrote before made me seem emo, and that i'm not. well, you know what.. i am. i really am. i just put on a front. i dont show the people who i really am because i'm not supposed to be like that. i know what i'm supposed to be as a christian. and that is what i try to portray.

i feel lost. i feel unconnected. i feel like i'm missing him all over again. yes, i have missed him about this entire time. but, it's different this time. it's different in that i dont know if he is thinking about me. okay, maybe he was only ever reading it to see what i was thinking about him. maybe i was mean. but, still it meant he cared in some sense of the word. and.. i'm just sad thinking i will never know if he was ever interested.

maybe i'm not supposed to be with him. it just stinks because i always think about him.

well.. i'm going to go back to sleep.

see.. i enjoy this because i can talk about it as much as i want and i dont have to worry about hearing someone's response. and then i can get off whenever i want.