welcome to my new place to write my thoughts..

so, considering that my xanga has been compromised.. here we are with a new place to journal my thoughts.

you know, i'd think i would be more upset about this.. but it might possibly be releasing to think that i dont necessarily have to worry about phillip reading my stuff or even now that multiple people could be reading it. honestly, i have no idea who is him and who is not him anymore. so, it's better this way..

i do have to say that i was just temporarily upset about mel talking to charlie about some of my personal stuff. despite the fact that i have carried on my feelings online does not mean anything. he is the last person that i would like to know that i am still thinking about phil, you know? it's just a private thing. ....and the fact that i felt i had to justify myself in front of her. she backed me in a corner. and i was speechless. i do not feel that she pulled the friend card this weekend.

okay.. i'm addicted. i'm addicted to learning about phil. it's funny. i just want to know. and i think it will be sad to think that he can't learn more about me..

i think the thing is.. i just can't trust anybody. i know that is probably taking it to the extreme. but, i can't trust anybody to keep things to themselves. so maybe this is my wakeup call to just keep to myself. ..as lame as that sounds.. here's to walls being put up! ha.

so, anyway, i need to get ready for school. and i'm excited to get to spend time with ryan. and i'm glad that carrie is coming too.

this just is a lesson. a lesson that i needed to learn. it's a way to start over fresh. i need to realize who i can and can't trust. and this is my next step in separating from phillip. (as much as i really do hate saying that. ..but, that's exactly why i need to do it.)

awesome life i lead.. awesome.